Only_to_let_her_know

The pain of knowing that people didn’t expect you to love them, is the most piercing pain ever…

-from mid of shards of my heart

Whenever the sun shines it projects millions of rays, and in every minute part of each ray lie a million of emotions and their corresponding reactions. To some, its rays are the warmth of life after a cold, harsh winter night in mid of some ice covered valley, to others, it may be the same torturer who loves to beat their confidence with its never-ending heat. But the sun never cares,it never demands,  it’s only demand is to let us know that it has a place in mid if us, maybe as savior or as torturer, but yes, it demands to be felt, just like pain…

Yes!! pain demands to be felt, and it’s the damn most freaking demand ever. The pain of love, the pain most felt, the pain of letting someone know that you’ve loved them since you’ve known love, and the pain to get to know that they never expected love from you, that they never gave you even that damn space that you can project the rays of your own feeling on them, even for letting them know, never wanting anything in return…

That day too, the rays were tough enough for him to tell his soul that the sun had been torturer since days, piercing its rays into his alone, unknown soul. Someone called his name, when he least expected, and when he turned around, it was she. Well, this was normal, she just wanted a pinch of gum, which he helped her out with, but he wasn’t ready for next, she just touched that part of him which he had left years ago, the mirror he had broken, and had never tried to find his image in it’s shards again, just to let himself believe that no part of that man had been left inside him, just because of the agony of his loneliness, but today he had realized that one bit of shard of that mirror included her too, and that she remembered her part very well, and she demanded it again, bribing him with support…

He didn’t knew why, but his soul had started loving this tempting feeling to get himself back, the part he loved, the image on mirror that was better than the real one…

So he spent days searching, meeting her everyday to tell her that he had found a bit of himself more today, and he credited her more than he credited himself, just to let his succumbing heart know that she was special, and that he had found life again, and then was the day when he realized the sun as savior, when his heart told him that he wanted her forever, that he had started loving her…

Failing attempts began to tell her, to get one reply, his works began portraying the sense of betterment, and every time he was praised, he loved her even more, more people joined him, but no one got that place which he had for her, not because she was the first one to keep her hand on his shoulder, but because the warmth of her hand let him feel himself more, she was his mirror, as he lived her…

Days crossed by, no day ended without an attempt, failing obviously. It wasn’t that he was afraid, but he was scared, his dreams, what will happen if they’ll turn to shards too, it had been very difficult to brush back the shards of the mirror he had lost times ago, and now he had worked so long he was tired, and his only wish was to rest in her lap, get her warm hands on his forehead, so that she can brush his hairs off them, so that he could tell her how much he loved her, but alas!!

The day came when it could be that he would meet her the last time ever. It was strange, earlier he had thought that he would deposit all his works to her, but now he was more attached to them, because his works were nothing but her memories, and now when she would be gone, her memories would be more precious, even more precious than her. A thought crossed his mind-Why don’t I just be her good friend and sign off?? That’s good, yes, that’s damn good….

Yes, he let her go without knowing, and came alone to a new world, a world he was unknown to, but he never felt alone, because he had lived so much alone to know that alone was a feeling, not a part of everyday life. But what, this world was different, here people welcomed him for his attachments, he found new friends, he found a special one too, and was able to give her the same space, just because he found her worthy, just because he found that she was just like her, the one he was never able to tell…

Fate never ends its game, when life seems to have fulfilled you, it begins taking out pieces back from your picture to know how much you can survive. One day while talking to his beloved he found her again, he typed a hi, a reply came 3 minutes later, it was much time after when he had been replied 3 minutes later, but still he was happy, they talked and talked, nonsense of-course…

One day, he discussed to her about a colleague, and she was alarmed, alarmed to see him praise someone except her, and she typed-

“Have you fallen in love with her??”

“No!!”-He replied,

“No you have.”-She typed.

He thought for a while, he didn’t knew why, but that feeling, that urge, that temptation to tell her came back, not to get her, but only to let her know….

He typed-“No I haven’t, because someone other lives in my heart from a very, very long time.”

“Who is it??”

The reply gave his serene sea a tide, What is the reason of her urge, but the feeling to get her gone times ago, and who had been in his life had been so loving and caring he couldn’t let her go, nor he could betray her, but he wanted this one to know what he had felt for her, his truth, but he dropped some humor…

-“Really, should I tell??

-“Yes, why keeping secrets from friends.”

Yes, they were friends, he thought, and typed again-

“Really??”

“No, don’t, just let it go, if you wanna show-off so much.”

“Shouldn’t I, I’m telling you my top secret.”

“Then tell.”

Next moment, she was offline. He sat for a while, and then typed-

“It’s you…”

5 hours later, when he logged in, he found a reply-

“What are you saying??”

She was online, so he typed-

“My truth, it’s you whom I’ve loved since I’ve known love, but was never able to tell, it wasn’t that I hadn’t tried but was always afraid for my dreams…”

“I’ve always regarded you as my friend.”

“I know, and I am not asking you to bend your feelings, what I want is to to just let you know what I felt, so that you can know what my works were for, what was their meaning…”

“It means we were never friend, I join my hands in your praise…”

“We were always friends, and we’ll always be, even if from my side, but I want you to always remember what I felt for you, so that if you ever hear my name in life again…”

“I don’t wanna talk to you…”

“Then block me…”

“Can you block me…”

“No, never…”

“Then I can’t too, ever. Just don’t talk to me for some days or months probably, please.”

“If you can live without talking to me for months, you can live forever, please block me..”

“Please, I hate you but still you’re my best friend.”

“You’re too, I just told you what was true, would it had been better if I had felt something else and showed you something else??”

“Now I really don’t wanna talk.”

“So don’t, don’t text me now…”

“Hmm…”

“I just told you no…. Hmm ha nothing!!”

He dropped the phone on bed and slept, for hours, till his phone rang again,

“Baby, I’m waiting…”

And his smile came back again, because his new world had called him, and he wanted to forget his old world, and start his journey with her, who really cared…